Sunday, September 5, 2010

I don't know what to call this

I found out today that a very dear friend died, quite unexpectedly. Why is it unexpected? We all die. He was a young man - well - older than me, but just. Someone who I have known for about 25 years. I have seen him grow, mature, agonize, go through doubt, reach natural conclusions, have children, love those children, travel, laugh, cry, develop hypertension, relieve it. I have massaged him, eaten with him, had coffee with him - in short been a friend. I expected him to be here with me, journeying for at least another 20 years. In truth, I relied on that because his skill and compassion as a dentist were second to none. And now...

...Now there is a darkness upon me as I grieve for the loss of him, my friend. I am feeling so many feelings.

Even having stood in heaven, talked to Angels, seen Spirit up close and personal, I still grieve. I grieve not because my friend is dead but because I am no longer able to touch him and speak to him and I did not say all that I wanted to, all that I should have. I neglected to tell this man how special he was to me, and how much he had altered my life for the better. I forgot to tell him that I am a better person because he walked beside me sometimes.

Now I need to try to remember the lesson that his loss has offered me. Will I speak up or will I remain silent?

Paul Soon. Goodbye.


Carmel Bell

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